I am a normal teenager. I love music, socializing at school and I want my classmates to like me.
It is May 10th, this day is going to change my life forever, I don’t know it yet.
I am 16 years old, sitting in math class, watching the clock. Tick, tick, tick. The second-hand makes a jerking motion as it jumps ahead.
I don’t like math.
I am not sure how it relates to my life. I guess you can say I am bored.
The classroom phone rings, startling the teacher. He glances at the phone and rushes over to it. He is eager to get back to that lesson.
“Yes, she is here. Okay, I will send her up” he said. I secretly hoped it was a request for me.
“Nancy, go to the office, your counselor wants to see you.”
I happily gather my books, all the while thrilled to escape the math prison.
On the way to the office I feel like skipping, I am so happy. My chance to talk to my counselor about college.
I walk into the office and my mother is standing there. She looks awful., I am confused, this is not making sense. Why is she standing here? Where is my counselor? She takes my arm and guides me into the principal’s office.
I see two men in navy blue suits. Who are these guys? They look like FBI agents standing there. Blank faces with no expression. I look around, the principal is not here. Why am I in his office? What the heck is going on here?
My mother looks at me and tries to speak “Nancy, your father had a heart attack and died”. Whoa, I could take in the heart attack part but not the died part. “I just had breakfast with him this morning, this can’t be true?” I scream.
My eyes dart from the navy-blue suit guys to my mom. Her shoulders are falling forward as if she is collapsing in on herself. She is talking to me, but I can’t hear anything she says.
I think “what am I supposed to do? my mom does not look like she is going to make it. She is shrinking. How can I help her, oh my God, what is going to happen to us? My body is numb, I am in shock.
At that moment I decided to “soldier up”. I guess it is time for me to take care of my family now. I am the oldest and they need me to be strong. It is time for me to be tough and responsible.
We drove up in front of my brother’s middle school. My mom looks at me “I can’t do this, you have to go into the office, get him and tell him.” My mom is falling apart fast. I do not question her request. I get out of the car and don’t look back. I just do it. Go in, get him and tell him. His eyes fill with tears. I put my arm around him, and we walk back to the car.
Later, we are home. I can’t believe it is true. I keep looking out the front window expecting to see my dad on the porch.
The Italian relatives arrive with casseroles and tears.
A wailing fest begins. My grandmother keeps calling out my father’s name. My mom is sobbing. My aunts try to console everyone. There is no consoling of my mother or my grandmother. The wailing and sobbing continue.
I just want to hide in my room. I do not want to see anyone. Everything is out of control and I am scared. I do not know what to do to help my mom. I have never seen her like this.
A few weeks later I am in church, by myself, looking for answers. “What is the meaning of life? What really happens to us when we die? And the big one, why am I here?”
Have you ever asked yourself questions about the meaning of your life or why you are here? The journey is rich with experiences and expansion.
This led me on a life long quest to create a life with meaning, to explore many religions, metaphysics, and consciousness. I see everything is connected and I know the loss of my father motivated me to live a life with purpose and intention.
Michelle was in her forties when she felt like she was missing something and realized she was unhappy with her life. She was living the life she dreamed of when she was twenty, and she was disappointed. Michelle had:
But what Michelle didn’t know was that she was stuck in a rut.
Each day was the routine that never varied, she drove the same route to work, ate the same quick meals, and went home to have the same evening schedules and conversations with her family.
She was going through the motions of what she thought was a happy life.
When she overheard someone at work talking about a “growth mindset”, she did a Google search and realized that’s what she’d been missing.
“I was being so careful to do everything right, to color inside the lines. But when I heard about growth mindset, I knew that’s what my life was lacking—growth.
I had stopped trying new things and experimenting.” “My life had become predictable nothing new, no challenges, no expansion, and no passion.
A growth mindset is the belief that even though you may not have certain qualities, you can develop them through learning and practice. It is seeing your possibilities from a positive perspective.
If you have a growth mindset, you might think things like, “If I practice my painting skills, I can get better at creating art.” Or you might say, “I can learn to meditate if I take a class about it.” Or you sign up for the belly dancing class you always thought about taking.
The beauty of a growth mindset is that it gives you freedom.
You’re free to try new things, experiment, and study the results.
With a growth mindset, the outcome of a situation doesn’t become your identity.
Developing a growth mindset doesn’t mean that you must do something radical like sell all your possessions and move halfway across the world.
A growth mindset is more about staying open to new experiences and new people.
It can be as simple as a willingness to try a hip-hop dance class at your local gym, change your comfortable routines, and seek out new relationships with people who are different from you.
Michelle surprised herself by signing up for acting classes. She’d always loved musicals and she liked the idea of performing in front of a crowd. So, she gave it a try and found it uplifting.
The classes had a benefit she hadn’t counted on either—increased confidence. She felt bold and empowered again.
This helped her lead more effective presentations at work and within a few months, her boss promoted her.
Of course, not every surprise has been wonderful. Michelle also signed up for a knitting group. “I loved the people there, but I quickly discovered that knitting wasn’t my thing. Still, I’m glad I was willing to give the experience a try.”
How open are you to new experiences and people? Here is something I do each month. Give it a try.:
Give yourself some quiet time to write in each column. You will be surprised as you find clarity and awareness about your growth mindset.
A growth mindset is a wonderful way to go through life. It means embracing the unknown and being willing to take risks, even when it feels a little bit scary (and fun!).
You can read Mindset Secret #1 Here
You may also be interested in What Are You Saying Yes To?
If you know someone that would benefit from this article, please forward it to them.
Nancy Dadami is a Flow Specialist, Creatively Fit Coach, and Intuitive, teaching you how to get Better Flow Faster so you can live a life you love.
Sally was the oldest daughter of alcoholic parents, and she spent most of her childhood taking care of her younger siblings. She got them ready for school, walked them to the bus stop and kissed them as they boarded the bus.
School was difficult for Sally. She struggled to learn how to read and write. She was embarrassed because it seemed easy for the other students, but not for her.
Sally was afraid to ask for help because she did not want to look stupid. Her third- grade teacher frequently mocked her telling her she should know how to read and write by now, often Sally hung her head and felt like a dummy.
As a result, Sally didn’t do well in school and believed she was stupid. She’d always dreamed of helping people as a nurse, but she dropped out of school in tenth grade. Instead, she worked at a local diner as a waitress.
But Annette, the owner of the diner, noticed the sparkle in Sally’s eyes as he served the customers. She greeted them by name, knew how they liked their coffee and made them feel welcome and comfortable.
Annette noticed Sally’s rapport with the customers and believed in her. Annette encouraged the younger woman to study for GED, so she could get her high school diploma and go to college.
Annette said, “You have a fixed mindset, and that’s holding you back from what you want.”
A fixed mindset is the idea that you were born with or without certain qualities and talents. You may think things like, “I’m not good at reading. I have never been.” Or you might say, “I want to paint landscapes, but I wasn’t born an artist.”
The problem with a fixed mindset is that it keeps you stuck. You limit your experiences and your feelings based on what you think you can achieve. But there is an alternative point of view that’s called a growth mindset.
It keeps you stuck in your current way of thinking. Just like Sally believed she was stupid and could not pursue her dreams of becoming a nurse.
A fixed mindset can affect every area of your life even if you don’t realize it. Your thoughts create your mindset. Take a minute to think about these five areas of your life. What are your thoughts and beliefs about your:
Your mindset either frees you to see your possibilities or limits you and robs you of the chance to reach your potential.
Sally explained to Annette the troubles she had in school and Annette helped her to get tested for learning disabilities. When Sally realized her brain processed information differently and that’s why she had struggled for years, Sally cried because she realized she could learn.
For the first time, Sally began to believe it was possible for her to become a nurse. She no longer saw her skills and abilities as fixed. She gave up her “this is all there is for me” mindset. Instead, she embraced the idea that with time and help, she could continue her education and pursue her dreams.
Where do you need to shift in your mindset so you can reach your dreams?
Want support? I mentor clients individually and in groups. I would be honored to help you. I believe“when one person is uplifted, everyone benefits”.
Nancy Dadami is Get In Flow Trainer & Mentor, She teaches creatives, empaths, and small business owners to live in “the flow”, clear their energy field and align their surroundings with their intentions, so they create the business and life they love.
Does the thought of gathering with your family for the holidays make you stressed, overwhelmed or cranky? The holidays are supposed to be a time of joy, love, and happy families, but for many people feelings of loneliness, obligation, and stress surface as the holiday season gets underway.
I have talked with several people that are feeling overwhelmed by getting ready for the holidays and family gatherings this year. They are worried about having time to get everything done. The biggest worry seems to be bringing the family together in one place at one time.
Recently, a client asked me for Feng Shui advice to make her holidays with family more enjoyable and less stressful.
Even though many of her family members live in the same town, it seems that they only see one another during the holidays.
Many arrive to her home in a pleasant mood. It is not long until opinions differ, and the silent judgments begin, which is witnessed by the sharp glares and piercing looks in their eyes.
At first, critical comments are spoken softly, almost a whisper, as if no one were listening. Soon the tension builds, the glares get a voice, the volume escalates, people begin positioning themselves for protection or battle. A new level of discomfort fills the room.
The fighters, visibly angry are looking for an argument. Those seeking protection begin to avoid talking to anyone. Not the happy holidays you wanted.
My client wants to use Feng Shui principles to create a peaceful and cooperative environment in her home.
Your home tells a story about you. What you experience in your life is visible in your home when you look with Feng Shui eyes.
Here is what you need to know to reduce family stress during the holidays.
One way to reduce family stress during the holidays is to evaluate the “family” area of your home.
There is an area of the Feng Shui Bagua (Feng Shui energy map) that is devoted to family. This area includes current and future family members, family health, family harmony, ancestors, and unresolved family issues. Let’s look at that area in your home.
The family area is in the middle, left side of your home the items in this area of your home influences your current and future experiences of family. It is worth a good look around this area.
What do you see there? Is it your favorite armchair a healthy plant, beautiful art, the extra room that is a catch-all for clutter, or your Feng Shui Vision Board. What do you feel in that area, happy, tired, depressed, inspired? Whatever you see and feel in that space is part of your family Feng Shui story.
Here are a few questions to ask yourself. What clues do the items in that area tell you about your family:
Look closely at what you see and feel there and give yourself an honest evaluation.
Even one small change, such as clearing clutter makes a difference. It can be what gets the energy moving to transform everything.
What you think as you anticipate your family gathering influences what you experience because your thoughts set your focus point. Your focus point determines how you see the situation.
As you think about, your holidays what do you think will happen? Do you have a feeling of family togetherness? Is there open communication between family members? Is there a history of holiday chaos?
And the big question, “What do you want?”
Take a few minutes to imagine your family gathering just the way you would like it to be and then visualize it happening that way. This is a powerful first step in creating what you want.
Your intention sets the stage for your actual experience. Your visualization of that intention happening helps support your vision.
Once in the situation, you make choices based on your focus point and expectations for the gathering.
This holiday season holds great potential because you can create wonderful memories, have fun, heal old wounds, and feel appreciation for your family.
You can have more peace of mind this holiday season by implementing these Feng Shui tips.
Nancy Dadami is a Flow Strategist, Intuitive Artist, and Teacher. She teaches creatives, spiritual seekers and small business owners to live in “the flow”, clear their energy field and align their surroundings with their intentions so they create the business and life they love.