Setting Boundaries With Difficult People
Setting healthy boundaries is one of the most valuable skills for creating healthy relationships with others and yourself. It can be challenging to set boundaries with difficult people.
The idea of boundaries can seem unclear or complicated. Personal boundaries are merely guidelines for yourself about how others interact with you. A boundary isn’t a rule for how others should act.
It’s about what you will allow or tolerate. Boundaries put you in the driver’s seat. You’re in control of the behaviors you accept from others. We want relationships that support and inspire us to reach for our dreams. When you are mindful of how you allow others to interact with you are on your way to setting healthy boundaries.
Benefits of Setting Boundaries
There are many reasons to set boundaries. Today, I’d like to give you a quick overview of some benefits of setting personal boundaries, particularly with difficult people in your life.
Avoid Misunderstandings
Stating clear boundaries helps to avoid misunderstandings and keeps people on the same page. Those around you will know how you want to be treated. Therefore, they can avoid inadvertently asking too much of you or pushing you in ways that make you uncomfortable. Suppose someone chooses to ignore your stated boundary. In that case, you can address that with them clearly and decide whether to continue your relationship with them should the issue become a pattern.
More Confidence
When you determine what you will and won’t accept from the people around you, your confidence will improve. That’s because you’re no longer concerned with how others view you. Instead, you’ve put yourself first. This isn’t selfish. It demonstrates a high regard for your value.
Greater Personal Satisfaction
Frankly, embracing and establishing boundaries will make you happier and more satisfied. Sacrificing your comfort for that of others is exhausting. It builds sadness and resentment. When you are clear about defending your needs and interests, you’ll see that you begin to attract the kinds of relationships and opportunities that support you instead of ones that drain you.
These are only a few reasons setting boundaries is so important. We’ll explore more as we continue our journey. I hope you’ll soon understand how much your life can improve when you learn to create and establish your boundaries.
Who are the Difficult People in Your Life
While anyone can push your boundaries and cause you discomfort, there are certain types of folks who tend to do so regularly. These problematic people have personality traits and behavioral characteristics that can cause much strain.
Unfortunately, even people you love and care about can fall into this category. We all have such individuals in our lives. Sometimes, you can learn to manage their challenging personalities. Other times, you may need to give them the boot.
Before taking any action or deciding regarding the place of such people in your life, you’ll first have to learn to recognize them. Keep reading below to learn about some of the most common traits of challenging people to see if you recognize any perpetrators within your close circles.
The Complainer
Most of us encounter this type at one time or another. The complainer rarely has anything positive to say. They are constantly complaining about something. Sometimes, these complaints cannot be changed, such as the weather. The complainer would often moan and groan rather than do the work to make a change. You can usually handle sporadic encounters with a complainer, but a person who is constantly negative around you can have adverse effects on your overall well-being. You may even develop a similar negative mindset if you’re with this person frequently enough.
The Yeller
Do you have someone who often takes that anger out on those around you through yelling or screaming? If so, you probably find yourself constantly on edge around them, waiting for the next thing to set them off. This type of person is likely emotionally abusive and is terrible for your mental health. They can damage your self-confidence and leave you feeling worthless.
The Know-It-All
Everyone is familiar with a know-it-all. This type of person always thinks they have the answers and is quick to offer their opinion, even when it wasn’t requested. The know-it-all can get on your nerves. They can also cause you to feel less than if you fall prey to believing they may be correct. In reality, these people tend to be incredibly insecure and are overcompensating for how inadequate they feel they are.
Negative Nellie – the Pessimist
The pessimist can be a real downer. They never see the bright side and think every experience will turn out badly. These people will tell you they tried that before, but it didn’t work, so you shouldn’t try. They can kill morale and keep progress from occurring. Their negative attitude can be contagious.
These are just four more common negative people you have probably encountered. These folks' common trait is that being around them regularly makes you feel negative. This negative spirit can invade various aspects of your life and cause difficulties.
The important thing is to pay attention when you notice yourself constantly feeling poorly around a specific person and then try to determine the cause of these negative feelings. Doing so will help you pinpoint whether the individual is constantly disrespecting your boundaries and bringing you down. You can then decide what to do about the issue.
Recognizing How Other People Impact What You Do and How You Feel
As adults, we all want to believe that we control our lives and aren’t easily influenced by those around us. Often, that’s not the case. So many things influence us in our lives. The media, entertainers, and other powerful influencers impact how we think and behave.
On a more personal level, those closest to us may have the most significant impact. You must learn to recognize how other people impact what you do and how you feel if you hope to set clear boundaries for yourself. Let’s explore this topic more closely so that you can begin to understand these types of influences and how to break free of them.
The Impact of Others
Other people can genuinely impact how we feel and behave regularly. This is especially true when the influencer is someone you respect, care about, or wish to impress. What these people do and say can significantly affect your mood, which can then cause you to behave in specific ways. That is if you let them. The key to setting boundaries and protecting yourself from negative influences is to determine the behaviors and actions you’ll allow in your life.
Do Others Impact You?
Sometimes, the people we interact with regularly have the most impact on our lives in ways we may not even realize. It would help if you took time to think about the people who may be negatively influencing your mental health and happiness so that you can begin to set boundaries regarding their presence.
You probably have an idea which folks may be causing you discomfort.
Please take a moment to sit down and think about the people who cause you problematic issues. Try to determine in what ways they are most affecting you. Do some journaling or note-taking, if necessary, to clarify your thoughts.
Once you have some insight into how people in your life are causing you to feel fear, anger, jealousy, inferiority, or other negative emotions, you can begin to create boundaries to help you overcome their impact.
How to Reduce the Impact
Pay attention to how you feel around others in your life. When you notice an uncomfortable emotion or tightness in your muscles, try to identify what’s causing the feeling. Once you do, you can then plan how to handle each one.
Perhaps you wish to have a heart-to-heart with those who negatively impact you, letting them know how you’re feeling and what behaviors you won’t accept from them. If this feels too much, you may wish to minimize your contact with specific individuals. Sometimes, it may make the most sense to remove someone from your life altogether.
Making decisions on a case-by-case basis will need to be made, and making them won’t always be easy. However, once you begin to identify the impact of others, you can start to take charge of how you respond. And that’s an empowering feeling.
Nancy Dadami is an Inner Peace Strategist, Medicine Painting Mentor, and Feng Shui Specialist. She helps empower leaders, visionaries, creatives, and entrepreneurs called to growth, learning, service, and freedom to thrive by living the best version of themselves, creating a life of abundance, self-awareness, purpose, and inner peace. Learn more here https://linktr.ee/nancydadami